


The Difference Between Medicine and Poison

by evvykurler



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: District 12, F/M, Mellark's Bakery, Panem, Post-Book 3: Mockingjay, Post-Mockingjay, Thunderstorms, discussion of events in 74th hunger games, mentions of sleep syrup, mentions of tracker jacker venom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27605615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evvykurler/pseuds/evvykurler
Summary: “Real or not real: you dropped a tracker jacker nest to kill me?” he asked.Katniss couldn’t look at him when she answered.“Real.”
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55
Collections: Crumbs





	The Difference Between Medicine and Poison

Katniss didn’t want to play this game tonight. The rain was pounding against the windows, turning the path back to the Village to mud, and there were too many reasons she shouldn’t be sitting across from Peeta, watching steam rise from two cups of untouched tea. But he’d asked her to come to the bakery, saying he had some questions and it was time he got some answers. She couldn’t argue with that.

She felt like she’d answered a hundred questions in the last hour, but Peeta’s expression was as guarded as ever.

“Real or not real: you dropped a tracker jacker nest to kill me?” he asked.

Katniss couldn’t look at him when she answered.

“Real.”

Cold air crept in through the window, and she drew her jacket close.

“The Capitol used tracker jacker venom on me, too.”

“Real.”

“I know.” He gave her a look of reproach.

She realized it wasn’t a question.

A clap of thunder made the windows shake, and Peeta jumped. He glanced nervously outside, but remained seated, his knuckles white as he gripped his mug. She wanted to take his hand, but didn’t know if he’d jerk his arm away. There was a time when she wouldn’t have wondered. The thought made her sink down in her seat.

“In the first Games—” he began, but Katniss cut him off.

“Peeta, I’m not sure we should keep talking about this right now.”

“I have to ask one more for today. Please.” His blue eyes were piercing as if he could see right through her.

“Okay.” Her voice was low.

“In the first Games, in the cave, you gave me something to drink and then I passed out. They said you drugged me.”

Katniss could tell it was a question this time. She fidgeted with the tablecloth, glancing at her blurry reflection in the window, distorted by the rain.

“Real.”

“Real?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You actually drugged me?”

Katniss took a deep breath.

“You were dying, and I knew I could help but I had to leave the cave. You thought it was too dangerous, so you wouldn’t let me go.”

“So you drugged me?” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t need to point out to you how messed up that is, right?”

“It was all messed up, Peeta!” she exploded, spreading her arms wide as if to capture the enormity of it. “All of it! None of it was right. It wasn’t right to send kids to kill each other, or to watch them do it, or to be called a Victor...” Her shoulders dropped, all the air suddenly gone from her lungs.

Peeta crossed his arms, his jaw tense.

“You aren’t very good at apologizing, are you?”

She stared at him.

“Apologizing? I mean… I wouldn’t even know where to start.” She put her face in her hands.

After everything that had happened, what did it really matter? Was she any better than the Capitol for what she had done to Peeta? Drugging him, dropping the nest of tracker jackers on him when she was cornered in the tree…

The realization chills her, like cold water dripping down her spine. Peeta’s capturers weren’t the first to use tracker jacker venom against him. Katniss was. The Capitol could have used any manner of drugs for the hijacking. Of course, they would choose tracker jacker venom.

Yet another message from Snow.

The bakery swayed in front of her, and Katniss grabbed the table to steady herself. She eyed the door behind Peeta’s shoulder, but his gaze pinned her to the chair.

“You drugged me so you could help me?” The circles under Peeta’s eyes contrasted starkly against his pale skin.

“Real,” she answered, with no hesitation.

“But how? What were you trying to do?”

“They said there was something at the feast that each tribute needed. You needed medication for your leg – you were going to die of blood poisoning. Do you remember?”

Another thunderclap startled her, as loud as the cannon in the arena that heralded death. Back in the cave, when she waited for dawn as Peeta slept, she didn’t let herself imagine for whom the next cannon would sound.

“I remember…your face and the cave and a lot of pain, everywhere…”

“It’s not far from the truth. You were dying. I thought they would have something to help you at the feast, and so I went. But like I said, you wouldn’t let me leave because you thought I would get hurt.”

“So you made me fall asleep.”

“Right, and then I left, got the medication and came back.”

He shook his head slowly. She balled her hands into fists.

“It saved you Peeta, I swear without it –”

“That’s not what saved me, Katniss.”

She sighed, so desperate to make him understand, but perhaps the truth wasn’t stronger than the venom. Perhaps it never would be.

“It’s too much,” Katniss felt like she would collapse under her admission. She didn’t know defeat could feel so heavy.

“I agree,” said Peeta, and Katniss searched his face. “I think we should start over.”

She stared at him without understanding. He was supposed to be angry, supposed to be shouting at her for all that she had done.

“Start over?” There was so much history between them, and most of it was nightmarish. “I wouldn’t even know how,” she whispered.

“I’ll start,” said Peeta, offering his hand. “I’m Peeta.”

Katniss stared dumbly at the proffered hand.

They could never forget what happened. But maybe this wasn’t about forgetting.

“I’m Katniss,” she replied, taking his hand and shaking it. It shocked her, just how good it felt to touch him again, even for the briefest moment before he let go. She shoved her hand in her pocket to prevent herself from reaching for him again.

Peeta stared intently down at his open palm.

“That didn’t hurt,” he mumbled.

Hurt? she wondered. Was every memory of her so poisoned with venom that he expected even the slightest touch to burn?

“It didn’t hurt,” she said, trying to remind him of how he felt before the Capitol ripped his heart out. “You know. Before.”

“Before? When we were _pretending_ to be in love?” he says.

Katniss winced, and her heart clenched at how pain had filled his eyes.

“It always hurt, Katniss.” Peeta closed his palm. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my betas endlessnightlock and 2ee for their invaluable input. 
> 
> This piece is near to my heart because I wrote it a few years ago as part of my first real attempt at Everlark. It is a real joy to share these stories with all of you. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are so appreciated. Thank you!


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